Dressing room confession

I grabbed my hipster sis (bonafide with tats and all) and headed to the Gap last week in search of a new pair of jeans. My current ones are either A) ugly as shit and teetering on the edge of looking like Lee Jeans with the pointed pockets that don't rest on your hips but go all up half your back making it look like your ass is huge and long and disturbing, or B) too big. Now I know that Gap doesn't have quality, but that wasn't what I was looking for really. I needed a transitional pair. A pair that I wouldn't mind wearing everyday for the next two months then throwing away (if I felt too guilty donating them because they were gross and faded and worn). I grabbed what I thought was a size 16 off the rack and headed to the dressing room. Megan, Charlie (in stroller) and I squeezed into a tiny booth and I tried them on. Sweet baby Jesus they fit! I was so proud of myself and so excited to be in fucking Gap jeans that I screamed and whooped and hollered right there in the dressing room, jumping up and down and hugging my sister. I didn't realize until I got home that they were a size 18. Damn.

And of course I look like the above picture in them too.

The long road.

So, I've been completely immersed in this new lifestyle for 15 weeks now and it's been a very long and hard road. I'm tired, both physically and mentally and so badly want to capture the attitude and excitement I had 11 weeks ago. Where did my motivation go? I've been pretty successful, averaging 2 pounds a week but it's not enough. It's not enough for me and it's not enough for my dietitian. I feel that if my numbers are less than 3 lbs in one week, I've failed. Forget the fact that I've never hit a plateau or gained weight during this time. Forget the fact that any loss is a success. It's just not enough. Gr. I'm fading here. For the last two weeks, I've missed the two workouts that I'm suppose to do on my own without my trainer. So for the past 14 days, I've only worked out 6 days instead of 10. My goal this week is to meet the 5 day requirement. In addition to my three days with Matt (Tues, Thurs, Sat), I'll be jogging with Charlie tomorrow afternoon (er, more like jog...walk...jog...walk...walk...walk...jog) and will be hitting the gym Friday night after work. Come hell or high water I'm doing this shit.

I'm not even half way to my goal weight, which is total BS by the way. According to all the calculators and charts, I should be no more than 145 pounds for my height. I haven't been 145 since I took Phen-Phen in the mid 90's for my first wedding. I was tweaked out of my mind. Itchy head, racing heart, crazy realizations that I had only eaten half a bagel by 9pm and wondered why I was fighting with everyone in my life and crying at the drop of a hat. That shit is evil...it works...but it's pure evil. I heard it's coming back on the market too. Stay away people, stay away!

So, if I listen to all the literature and stick with the charts, I have another 65 pounds to go. How deeply depressing is that? I'd be around a size 8 though, which sounds soooooo amazing. I'm only 1/3 of the way there. So here I go...chug, chug, chug, like the little engine that could.

Numbers.

I'm down 29.4 and KC's holding (I think).

Progress Report

I'm down 25 lbs. and KC is down 38.